Until a few weeks ago, it’d been over a decade since I’d stepped into a dojo. Actually, while talking to a couple of friends yesterday, I realized it’s actually been closer to 15 years! So many thoughts and emotions flooded to the surface the past few weeks, as I began training with Girl Army… 

I studied Aikido and Karate for such a brief time and so long ago but they radically transformed me and were a huge part of my healing and strengthening in mind, body, and spirit. 

Despite my parents’ encouragement at an early age, I had avoided Karate or any other martial arts as a kid, fearing the additional ridicule and taunting for remotely embodying anything that was (stereotypically) Japanese/Okinawan. 

So, despite being googly eyed with wonder when my dad would take me to his dojo or to competitions, I never asked if I could take classes. Instead, I watched silently and stuck to simply practicing my punches on the makiwara my dad had mounted in the garage, or visualizing the katas in my mind. (Ironically, I know now that embracing such a discipline would have helped me survive the daily mental and physical attacks that singled me out as a queer Okinawamerican girl growing up in the south.)

Alas, when I was older and had overcame this mental obstacle and was eager to pursue my studies, I struggled to find a place that didn’t feel like culturally appropriating money-making businesses. But, sitting in on a class at Suigetsukan last night and reflecting on my experience with Girl Army, I felt like maybe, just maybe I had indeed found the place I’d always longed for.

Girl Army, which draws much of its curriculum and inspiration from Danzan Ryu Jujutsu, has been an experience that has challenged and resonated with me on many levels. And while sitting in on part of a jujutsu class at Suigetsukan Dojo last night, I think I came to the decision that this may be a perfect fit for me!

This is all to reiterate that Girl Army really has been one of the best gifts I’ve ever given myself and I am eager to continue this path and to continue to heal, challenge, and grow in mind/body/spirit.

Bay Area peeps — if you aren’t familiar with Suigetsukan, you should check ‘em out: http://suigetsukan.org/ And seriously, all of my non-cis-male friends should consider signing up for Girl Army training. It’s not too late to sign up for the next basic 3-week course: http://girlarmy.org/

Nobody would be better!

After numerous conversations about Dan’s mayoral bid and folks assuming I would vote for Dan and/or work on his campaign because of our work together in the community, I figured this was a great way to sum up my feelings on the matter.

Seriously, I do love and respect Dan (hence the playful nod to him), but I do not support any candidate for government office. As my friend Robbie said, “especially not an executive office in which your job is to execute and enforce racist, colonial, capitalist laws.” 

http://bit.ly/Nobody4Mayor

I recently had the pleasure of designing a poster for one of my favorite bands. Whatcha think?

If you haven’t seen ‘em, you can (and should!) rectify the situation this weekend!! You can get a taste here: http://madnoisemusic.com/

And if you already have mad love for them like I do, be sure to invite your friends and spread the FREE love! (tumble, RT, share, etc all your Bay Area peeps. I’ll see y’all there!)

More deets on this weekend’s show:
SECRET SHOW ✖︎ THIS SUNDAY 3/16 : ✖︎ Mad Noise ✖︎ #SECRET ✖︎ 7pm

I prefer relationships in which nobody wears the pants!

Fight the Pa(n)triarchy! FtP!

mixed media work in progress: sketches and a dash of photoshop magic.
from the FtP: #FightthePatriarchy! series: http://on.fb.me/1cDq651 

dedicated to so many of my loverly friends who feel the same way i do about pants: the best pants are no pants!

(Source: bit.ly)

The state is not something that one can smash in order to destroy… 
One destroys it by entering into other relationships.

Let’s do ‘the deed’ together & destroy the state! 

— Gustav Landauer



for more rad(ical) love & laughter, check out: http://bit.ly/vdaycardz

(Source: on.fb.me)

"You make me wobbly." 
Joe Hill

this is one of my fav radical valentines. for more rad(ical) love & laughter check it: http://bit.ly/vdaycardz

(Source: on.fb.me)

Happy Birthday, Trayvon. 

Rise in Power!

(Source: on.fb.me)

A Mother’s Love

RIP
Lee Weathersby III 2/28/00 - 1/1/14 
Lamar Broussard 6/19/94 - 1/19/14

Oakland Mother Loses 2 Sons In 19 Days — Please Repost and Click this link to support the family. 

(Source: on.fb.me)

FILM THE POLICE!!!

Yo! Have you seen this? With the help of my friend Trishia, one of my latest designs is now available on a hoodie! And if you’re game, you can purchase one to help us raise funds for anti-repression work and prisoner solidarity work in our community!

Here’s where you can order: http://www.tfund.com/NoJusticeJustUs

All proceeds from these hoodies will go toward my friend Rae Rae’s fundraiser — Community not Cops! until they recoup funds that were stolen from them.

The rest will go towards ongoing jail support at Rita and prisoner solidarity (sending books/packages/commissary to prisoners like our beloved Kali).




As Rae Rae said:

this is what happens when people in a community come together to support each other!

…the message on this hoodie and the decision to fundraise work hand in hand. we all know that the police are not accountable to our communities. we know that their role is to hurt people, and not to help people. that is why filming the police is so important, and why relying upon them for justice does not work. both the message on this hoodie and the decision to not call the police and to reach out to ya’ll are part of an effort of our larger community to practice harm reduction, restorative justice, community accountability, mutual aid and healing, and abolitionism.

you can order these hoodies online right now! until my goal is reached, the proceeds will go to my fundraiser to replace my defrauded check monies. after my goal has been reached, money will go towards prisoner solidarity work and anti-repression work, including support for folks inside and getting out of jail!

for local bay folks, there is an option on the last page when you’re ordering that lets you get it shipped in bulk for free to Naomi, and you can pick it up from us

for more information or to donate directly to Rae Rae’s fundraiser you can go here: https://rally.org/f/4evdWftAyd

Whether you are able to purchase a hoodie or donate directly to their fundraiser, please consider reblogging this and sharing with folks who might be willing and able to help.

Than
ks so much for your support!

Together, we can prove that calling on community is stronger and healthier than calling cops!!!

FTP!

Until all are free,
We are all imprisoned
Free Kali!!!!

For more info about Kali and how to support him, please visit: https://www.facebook.com/
events/555551221196187/

(Source: on.fb.me)

OAKLAND / BAY AREA PEEPS —

Please join the #Justice4AlanBlueford COALITION as we kick off our FtP Food & Toy Drive at The Alan Blueford Center For Justice

Join Jeralynn Brown-BluefordAdam Blueford, and Alan Blueford's extended community of friends, family, and warriors for justice as we work to heal the community in Alan's name. 

Happy Birthday, Alan! Rise in Power!!

Feed the People!
Fight the Power!!
FtP!

For more information: http://www.justice4alanblueford.org

My life has value
My heart is priceless

We are all more than any check-mark in a box could ever define
And one mark or another should never dictate
the degree of respect or love given or denied
over one or another

If you must know, I’m a bunch of XOXO’s

And if you’re still insistent
despite how damaging the cis-tem is
I may remind you (again) that I have a heart too
as I use my fist
to demonstrate its size




from the FtP: Fuck Patriarchy! mixed-media series http://on.fb.me/1cDq651

I’m too upset to share the conversation where this came up. But yes, my family is included in the Dawes Final Rolls of the Five Tribes. (A, Chahta sia hoke!) And no, I will not be silenced or pacified with blood money, broken benefits, or more empty apologies from the government that subjugated and/or slaughtered my ancestors and millions of other indigenous peoples across the globe…and continues to do so to this day.

And I sure as hell don’t need some white dude to tell me that I should be grateful, that it’s no big deal…that I’m being “un-American” (as if that’s an insult!) and then get angry at me when I politely but firmly decline his “advice” and also clarify that it’s not really the U.S. government’s money to give me anyway. 

(Ironically, I find myself wanting to joke with idiots like this and just say, “If I had a dollar for every time one of you white men tried to impose your will on me and mansplain….I could erase the US debt!”)

Thanks, dude. But no thanks!! You can go fuck yourself.

Also, I didn’t post anything on Columbus Day because I don’t acknowledge it and I don’t like celebrating “Indigenous Resistance” one day a year. Rather, I prefer to see every single day as an opportunity to celebrate indigenous resistance and to actively declare war against colonizers of the body, mind, and spirit. 

Yes, it’s sickening that a holiday honors such an asshole and the institutions he represents. So yeah, that dude and those who glorify him can go fuck themselves too. They can take all their apologists along with them and folks who want to celebrate the lesser evils among European colonizers. 

And while we’re at it…fuck the mentality that absolves one from any culpability because you weren’t the first one off the boat/plane or the first to break the treaty, etc. 

If we aren’t actively part of the solution, we are complicit.

I say this as my own body is born of a man who’s family walked the trail of tears and of a mother who’s people and land were also raped by the U.S. government, nearly 8,000 miles away. But, even still, my own family has reminded me that I am born of colonizer’s blood, born as a bi-product of U.S. imperialism. I cannot escape it. Every day I wake up and look myself in the mirror, I am reminded of this.

So, Mr. All Knowing White Man, can you and your money fix that? 

Why don’t you tell me what it’s like to be a walking trigger to your own family and loved ones? How can you erase the daily reminder I am of how men who look, talk, and act like you have raped my people and the earth we lived on? Maybe start there and I’ll consider listening.

Until then, don’t you dare tell me “to calm down.”

(Source: on.fb.me)

Shared this a few days ago via facebook with a smaller group of close friends. As I ran my fingers across my buzzed hair this afternoon, I felt a readiness to open up again here.

It was finally time. Time to let go. Over twelve inches of braided hair. As I cut it off, I thought about all that transpired in that foot of time. 

I thought of how my g’ma Bunny would have had all kinds of questions about why I decided to cut my hair and I couldn’t help but think of the last trip I took to see her - to bury her. And the difficult journey that followed in that wake, saying goodbye to yet another beloved, my dear little one who had traveled with me long enough to pay our respects together. 


Chi hullo li na billia chih!


As tradition would have it, the cutting of my hair is more than a sign of grieving; it is a way to release those memories, to allow myself to move on and continue to grow. To be open to a renewal of spirit.

When I feel the warmth of the sun or chill of the crisp, early morning air on my head, I cannot help but smile. 

I share this with you more as an affirmation than an explanation. But, being able to express this is part of the accepting and letting go. So, in case you were wondering why I’m rocking the buzzed head again, now you know. Consider it my way of completing the “circle.”



p.s. A, Chatha sia hoke! Chahta Hapia Hoke. Ome, chi pisa lachike!

 


p.p.s. 
Initially when I shared this, I did so as an affirmation of my growth and readiness to release and continue my journey onward.  But given the response to posts I’ve made here and some of the writings I’ve published elsewhere, I realize that a great source of strength has come from an amazing network of supportive friends but also from many strangers who reached out because of their shared experiences.  

I know that many who will read this first stumbled upon my writings because of posts I’d shared over the past few years, coming to terms with the discovery of my infertility and the painful realization of how that somehow made my deep desire to be a mother and nurture a family become an ever stronger longing.

Several folks also reached out after coming across some of my more cryptic posts since this spring (or more candid reflections, especially those published under a pseudonym elsewhere) when I was wrapping my head around the discovery of my unexpected pregnancy and the subsequent miscarriage that followed immediately after the death of my grandmother. 

The past six months have been one of the most difficult journeys I’ve ever been on. 

And, for many reasons..including how my partner has also struggled with even being able to talk about any of this with me, I have kept mostly quiet, particularly among our circle of mutual friends. I’d wanted to respect their path and needs as they came to terms with everything. But, I think the imposed path of silence has been one of the most difficult aspects of this all. 

So, I am breaking the silence and embracing the gradual willingness, ability, and desire to be more open about the hope, heartbreak, and healing related to my pregnancy and early miscarriage…and allowing myself to be open to the healing it may bring to others and to myself…

Hey my fellow gaysians, alphabet soup-er stars, and other beautiful peolple in the know! I rediscovered this rad hanky. But I need your help. I need a good laugh but also… before I fly my freak flag, I’d like to know…

WHAT DOES IT MEAN??

Help a sista out, would ya?